I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
