He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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