Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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