I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
