I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
