Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
