You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
