I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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