I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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