weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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