We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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