Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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