I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
