I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize