In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize