I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
