I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
