SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
