So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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