she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to make out with him forever
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
