you would pick up someone in the library
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
