Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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