I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
