I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
