Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
