Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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