I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
