I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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