He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
