I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
