I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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