When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
