K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
