the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home