I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..