Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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