I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
