I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
