so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
