Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
