the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
