So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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