My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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