somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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