I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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