I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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