in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
