I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
