You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
