when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
