Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
