Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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