She announced her abortion via fbk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
