Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
