Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
