1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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