Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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