i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
