I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
