I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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