i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
