I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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